Space Invaders Unwelcome

You know, I never really knew how important space was to me. Not space as in the final frontier, Kirk and Spock, outter-space type of space; but as in actual …physical …space. That tiny circumference of breathable air within the area that immediately encapsulates the human body.

I’ll call it personal space.

In fact, I don’t believe many people give much consideration for how important this intimate area around the body really is, especially to those of us with a history of trauma, and/or body boundary issues. (If you know, then you know. If you don’t, then you’ve been highly blessed and your probably part of the horde oblivious to the need for a respectable amount of personal space. No shade, just an observation).

As for myself, I hadn’t even realized until a year or so ago, that I become highly uncomfortable, even a bit agitated, when people get to physically close to me. I love people — or so I thought — and IT ABSOLUTELY NEVER OCCURRED to me to ask others for more physical space to reduce anxiety created by the loss of it.

The discovery that I was intensely impacted by people invading my body and space boundaries came from a somatic rendezvous during one of my standard talk therapy sessions. I love to talk, to bounce things off of others, so talk therapy works for me. But I had hit a wall with my progress and so this particular time we were trying something different; something that was supposed to get me out of my head. It would be a somatic therapy exercise.

My therapist, who I trusted, circled around the room asking me how I felt. It was like I was the sun and she was a planet. She would get closer, then further, move left to right and go all around me. I was blown away by how different I felt, how my anxiety revved up the closer my therapist got. There was even a significant difference between how I felt when she stood to my left, compared to my right. I was much more apprehensive when she stood to my right. Suffice it to say, I realized after the session that how I felt when people invaded my personal space without invitation could set off how I responded to them. I could be at ease, or I could blow up. Oddly enough, it might just depend on how fast you invaded my space and whether you were on my right or to my left.

After learning this, I began to contemplate just how much of a space invading culture we are in the western world. If you don’t agree, I understand because most people don’t see themselves, so it would be really hard to realize that we do this often. Yes, I did it too- somewhat, because I was not aware that it was wrong. No one had taught me. And I believe we are socialized to do most of what we do, so there is a lot of grace here.

Anyhoo, if you’re struggling to figure out just how much of a space invader you are, let me help you. Picture these scenarios and then determine which person you are:

You’re standing in line at your local mini-mart and there is someone standing immediately behind you. Breathing down your neck, as if there is not 20 feet of space behind them. The distance between the two of you is so paper thin that you feel that they can smell the sweat beneath your perfume.

UCK. IJS. I know this has happened to all of us. (Who are you in the scenario?)

Or imagine you’re walking your dogs down the street. Someone — who saw you coming for like a mile — carelessly bumps into you with their elbow or even worse their shoulder and knocks you off balance with their body weight, as if there isn’t a whole ass sidewalk that they could actually walk on! (Who are you in the scenario?)

Or you’re talking to people — friends, co-workers, or otherwise — most times they don’t even realize that they spit when they talk and that they are spitting directly into your face, let alone spitting all around your personal space. Um, I think your spit just landed on my shoes sir, and my toes are out. Ew. Even worse — I had my mouth open and your saliva is now co-mingling with my saliva. Grooooooooss. So gross!

But stuff like this happens all the time…At least it used to happen all the time.

Then everyone in the whole wide world had to suddenly respect the request for 6 feet worth of space due to the covid pandemic, and put on a mask.

And voila’, now my heart rate can slow down again and my feet and tongue are safe. So, while I am definitely NOT a fan of this pandemic, death or sickness. If I am totally honest, I am fully appreciative that I can now expect a standard 6 feet of breathing room from everyone that I am around.